Psikotik's Xanga

moved.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 15:11:13 GMT

hey, i know its been a little belated, but happy new year!
have a good oh seven yeah?

okay, wondering bout the lack of updates?
well like i said, i feel... stunted by this blog, in terms of writing that is.

sooo... i did the most logical thing, i moved!

www.lifewithoutspaces.blogspot.com

thats where i am now, i apologize for the lack of updates, but i promise, imma remedy that now!

thanks for being a reader this far, and well, the saga continues..

enough.

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 20:09:12 GMT

enough.

thats it, this blogs tapped out.
everytime i feel i want to write, i cant.
i think this blogs just tapped out, all the energy in it, the creativeness is gone.
i need a new layout, or a new blog perhaps. but im loath to give away the memories in this one.

hmmm.
its gotten to a point where ive written posts on my computer, on my phone, in my notepad, but i cant post them here.
they dont.. fit anymore.
the persona writing on the pages is kinda.. gone, he's grown up and moved out.
a new guy is taking over, a new writer picked up the pen and he wants something new to write on.

lost all my readerships as well i think.
time for a change me thinks.

planes and postmortems

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 10:26:10 GMT

hey!

missed this a little, the blogging.

since my birthday ive been away/busy/onthephone or any other msn status available.
that includes appearing offline.

heres a quick recap of whats been happening, more for my own memoirs than anything else.

Friday 13th - my birthday
got tons of wishes from many many people, and for which i thank you all.
got totally smashed at night, for which i..thank you guys too. haha, even if i dont remember half of it anyway
lost my glasses, thanks to sarveen

Sunday 15th - flight
i took off on a plane to melbourne australia.
i like flying in planes, catching up on your movies and tv shows on the inflight entertainment is pretty good too.
land in The Land Down Under.
weather is biting cold but i love it.
tis invigorating.
have my first australian meal; italian and get shocked by the portion sizes.
sister goes mad over aussie boys starting from cute customs officer in airport.

Monday 16th - city
take the tram to the city.
love the weather (lotsa sun with lotsa cool winds)
i love the tram system which is just..novel
a reaallly cute chinese girl helps out my mom with the tram ticket buying
i mouth my thanks to her from across the tram and she smiles back at me sweetly.
food and shopping is good
i love the hustle and bustle of the city, with the cold winds blowing and warm benches to sit on
i like the stride of the streets and the sweet jazzy strains of music from the busker who looks like ray charles.
i give him 50 cents.

Tuesday 17th - explore
today instead of a tram its a train, which is also pretty cool.
public transportation is fun, cuz it gives you some nice time to either think, relax, work, or talk with people.
or listen to other people talk.
melbournes beautiful now, with the weather and the new buildings thanks to the olympics.
federation square is awesome and with the international arts festival on now, there were tons of things to see.
breakfast is at a small cafe with realllly good food
its so small the plates are on shelves up on the ceiling, the cute aussie waitress had to climb a chair to get them.
note: all aussie restaurants serve water in bottles with rubber plugs. very kitcsh.

now i know why whites tend to be fat.
firstly one portion of food could feed a third world nation.
second they have shops like max brenner and kokoblack where the menu consists of solely chocolate based items.
third they have Suga. you know those little round sweets with words or pictures inside?
well, those are called Suga's and theyre made by hand.
fucking awesome to see.

went to a park at night with my siblings and had fun just running around.
walks in australia are wonderful things, especially in spring.
weather is just damn beautiful, love song lyrics just spout from my head.
i ring up kai young, sylvia, sue zen.

Wednesday 18th - food
chinese fried rice at a malaysian restaurant.
once you overcome the shock at the prices it actually is pretty good.
Yeong Cheau Farn as it said in the menu
went for a walk through the botanical gardens, beautiful place, with wonderful views.
i could just lie there and read a book under a tree all day.
dinner was home cooked (in the apartment)
went to st kilda's for exploring and shopping.

Thursday 19th - Aunty Janet
move from apartment to moms friends place in the outer suburbs.
an awesome house with the cutest labrador named eddie.

Friday 20th - Kai Young
took a train to the city and then connected to Glen Waiverly where ky stays.
it was reaallly good seeing that guy again, met his friends hzu, felix, dom and paul and sze liang too!
jammed with his band for a bit then late at night we sneaked out to go clubbing.
the club we went to; Lavish, was pretty nice. i liked it, plus the cold weather makes the atmosphere fun.
and its next to the very cool looking melbourne docks.
the clubs 2nd anniversary = free tequila for 2 hours.
soho's a new drink thats pretty damn awesome too.
the layout was nice, an L shaped club with r&b, hip hop but across the way a single room that plays all trance and hard house.
so you get to choose.
met carrie, and had fun dancing with her.

Saturday 21st - Crown
we go to the city, or more accurately Crown Entertainment Centre.
picture a genting but right in the city.
played lazer wars almost the whole day, well worth the money.
damn fun shite.
return to kys and play dota the whole night

Sunday 22nd - family
go back to my family in the suburbs and spend the night at Aunty Janets before moving to Lavender Farm

Monday 23rd - country
we stay in the country, on a beautiful farm called Lavender Farm
and they put lavender on everything. you cant take a shit or pick up a towel withotu a sprig of lavender falling out.
they have horses, and chickens, and meadows and trees, and a pond, everything youd want on a farm.
and they have 3 awesome dogs; Rory a golden retreiver, Gemma a dalmation mix, and Foxy and short legged jack russell.
have tons of fun with the dogs.
picnic by the pond.

Tuesday 24th - Sanctuary
visit the Healesville Sanctuary to see animals.
very well kept zoo/wildlife preserve.
saw all the australian animals roo's koalas, skinks, echidnas and fucking cute platypussies. or pusses. i dont know.
had a good steak sandwich in a take out shop.
raided Coles supermarket for food for dinner.

Wednesday 25th - Ride
drive back to Aunty Janets, did i mention how awesome the car rides are?
the hour drive to Lavender Farm is just packed with great views and sights.
the road winds scenically up hills and through vineyards.
millions of dollars lost in those vineyards, to frost which killed the grapes.
saw a One Tree Hill Road.
cycled around Eltham suburb to the park

Thursday 26th - Cycle
all of us drive to the city and cycle all around
one of the most scenice days of all, with a great experience in the city and tons of great sights.
alotta pictures from this outing.
went past the river and saw the Earth From Above art exihbition
marvelled at how clean melbourne appears to be and just loving the weather.
have fish an chips in the cold by the sea

Friday 27th - Leave
go to Smith St. for great cheap shopping.
all the surf brands an more, less than half the price.
pack up, go to the airport.
say teary goodbyes and take off.
i get sick on the plane ride back, something to do with my allergic nose.
couldnt go to nicks bday, just too tired.
Happy Birthday Nick

Saturday 28th til Tuesday 31st - Theatre
spend everyday practicing for theatre midterms.
on tuesday, amid the nervousness, everyone does well and audience loves the play.
all receive 18/20 for scores - highest ever.

Saturday 3rd - Halloween
belated adp halloween celebration
lotsa fun, i went as a butcher which was apt since i ran a game booth that had people put their hands into boxes to guess what was inside
what was inside? goats heart and feet. heh heh heh, trick or treat.
everyone looked good, so many people made an effort which was really nice.
pretty alright performances by people, congrats to my friends who won the best dressed awards.

today 5th - Blog
i write in my blog after like a month.
i thank all the readers who made it this far, have a Gold Star.

i miss australia and its people already, theyre pretty friendly.
i like how even store sales people are cute, bright, funny and flirty. plus theyre actually helpful.
cheers mate.
have a good one.

notes to self.

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 09:09:53 GMT

i have this habit.
i write little notes to myself
(also to do with the fact that i currently lack anyone else to write little notes to)
whenever i get the urge to, or i jsut have something to say, ill write it down into my phone, then completely forget that ive done so.
so much later, ill look through my notes and find a little gem of wisdom or something so totally random i smile.

here's one i wrote one day while observing a class in progress

"do not forsake your youth. dont give up your right to make mistakes,and many of them. or to have stupid hairstyles, to do stupid things once in a while, or even all the time. smile everyday to everyone you meet except maybe that really irritating guy you dont like. no, actually, smile at him too, its not like he doesnt deserve it either. keep your life on track, dont fall, you might not want to get up. its not that you cant, its just that you might not want to."

deep huh?
i have no idea why or how i came up with it.

heres one i wrote one sunday afternoon driving to the library about to do some college work.

"this is peace. im out driving on an insanely bright and sunny day. its so piercingly bright out, but im wearing sunglasses. its a terribly hot sunday afternoon but my aircond and the breeze make it oh so windy and cool.as i write this in my car, im in the shade of a tree in front of a library under the hot sun listening to louis armstrong and ella fitzgerald. its an awesome feeling i tell you. this is peace."

hmmm, opposites seem to attract here. notice how some of the best things in the world can be extremes of either end that come together and find middle ground, a compromise of sorts.

heres another totally random one.

"time is all we have"

no idea where this came from, whether its an idea for a song or a reminder.
sounds cool tho, something to look into.

and this i wrote after watching devilwearsprada.

"i wanna date a writer. i want her to be smart, and preppy, and a slight workaholic, and she should stress just a little too much over things. then i can come in and calm her down with a glass of wine, some music, words of comfort and a hug. writers are cool,yeah."

haha,enjoy my bits of randomness, tis time to be back to the drudgery of work.

ps.
su ann, thank you for your wonderful party
i hope you'll have a great eighteen
may your laughter be loud and hearty
may everyone remember you, wherever you've been.

graffiti.

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 03:07:17 GMT

i like graffiti.

okay, spray painted lines like 'saya suka babi, fo sho' just dont cut it.
and the standard fuck you's in alleyways are plain stupid.

im more interested in graffiti art, which is pretty elaborate sometimes and honestly, damn fucking good.
so i snap it whenever i get the chance.
heres my collection.
whats cool is that some of them have..meanings, if you know where to look.
otherwise to you theyre just a pretty picture.

its a little girl with angel wings.
i think it talks about abortion, or abuse, how little kids pass away due to the actions of adults, and whilst they get wings and go to heaven, they never grow up and experience life.

the new wwf panda; in order to protect the animals, you gotta have a bite.

heres a baby doll, but with a brain.
bimbos need not apply here, just cuz someones cute, cuddly and like a toy, it dont mean shes dumb.

here we have Magmo The Destroyer, the mascot of a US independant art company/group.
how it got to the centrepoint mcdonalds ill never know..

some random anime

and a weird character, looks star wars based.

fun eyh?

Happy Belated Colin Quah

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 14:11:03 GMT

okay, so recently it was colliiiiiiiiiiiiins birthday on the 15th

so i was bored outta my mind, then colin msns me and says

dei
what you doing for diner
dinner at home la
what you doing?
hahah
i got no dinner man
fucking david ffk me
your parents not hoem ah?
yeahp
last day tonite
MOTHER FUCKER
really?
YOU SURE?
yheap!
haha
yeah
todays last nite
YOUR FUCKING COMING OUT WITH US TONIGHTR
my parents both coming back tomorrow!
hahahah
WAIT I CALL YOU IN A MINUTE
ok
WAIIIIT
DOTN MOVE
BREAHTRE ONLY CAN
DONT MOVE
ok
not moving

and that how the night started, once i found out that colins at home alone on his birthday
he is SO coming out.
then i ring up the keweis and ALL of them are busy.
doubleyouuuteeeff.

so pooor colins alone on his birthday?
not happening, plus he tells me he doesnt have dinner and needs to go to a clinic.
poor feller la, so i take him out.

just about to leave, amelia tells me that secretly david, tiffany and co are planning to surprise colin last minute at his house, on the stroke of midnight.
and like cinderella, birthday boy needs to be home.
so i distract him, go dinner at chillis, clinic, and i fake a call from my mom saying i need to be back home NOW.
its like 11.50.

then i meet up with david, tiffany, don michael, justin mah and hoong chun in jasema.
we plan and cnvoy to jinns house where we stock up on ammo ( a bucket filled with water )
and put our plan into action.
the boys hide in the bushes, and i bait colin to come out of the house with tiffany,
i mean what guy could resist his own girlfriend eh?
btw. that idiot saw me standing with a girl, thought it was MY girlfriend or something, and purposely puts on nice billabong pants and purposely leaves off his shirt. whatashowoff. bastard you colin.
lucky it was YOUR girlfriend.

haha, so ze dumbass walks out and we all jump on him and pound him.
then jinn steps up with the bucket, and everyone except donmichael backs away and both of them get drenched.
serve you right don.

then the night progresses with tons of funny stories, laughter, cake and chamapagne.
pics to follow.
happy birthday (belated) colin suta.

daves idea of a good birthday msg for colin.

and jinns retarded way of putting on candles. its the CPU education. ruddy canadians.

the happy couple. colin, she was my birthday present to you =) you may say im cheap, but i say its priceless!

donmichael being the gayest fag ever. never ever ask for his kawaii face.

sorry for the sucky quality, my phones shit at night.
ookay, this post is for don and amanda who demanded the pics and of course
colin the birthday boy.

eavesdropping with eyes.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 04:56:49 GMT

today whilst sitting in the car waiting for my mommy to come out of the bank, i saw.
i observed and i watched.
people, doing their daily things.

a kid ran across the road, carrying a schoolbag, running straight towards a parked car, an unser i think.
he was crying, a 'somethings-gone-wrong-in-my-world' cry, the kind kids below 5 usually have.
in the unser, a woman was on her handphone, on what seemed like an important call, complete with hand waving gestures and animated facial expressions.
as the child neared the car, i got scared for him.
what if his mother, like too many people today, all too caught up in business and work, told her son to be quiet, and shushed his crying, denying him into the back seat of the car.
not heeding his tears?
it worried me so, i wanted to reach out to the kid and console him, somehow.
please, i begged the mom in my head, answer him, pay attention to him, support him, fix him, i pleaded.
and as he opened up the door, the mom immediately killed the call and turned to her son who was crying and needed his mommy.

across the road, a family of four got out of a kelisa, the adult son was driving, his sister next to him, and probably his aunt and mother behind.
he had a dour expression on his face, the driver-son.
and as the family slowly unpacked from the car
the eldest woman at the back cradled her finger.
blood oozed out the tip, a rather bad cut traced diagonally down that finger.
she probably was in pain and with a clinic across the road, i could guess the destination
when the son came out however he just threw a tissue at her, letting her mop up her finger and the blood on her own.
the way he threw it was so uncaring, so detached, so aloof
it hurt.

they moved on down the street and so did i.

selamat berpuasa.

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 19:07:48 GMT

okay, one of the extremely rare times you will find malay words on my blog.

firstly, selamat berpuasa to all.
fasting is fun fun fun for the whollllle family!!
okay, let me get one thing out of the way first.
i dont fast for religion.
you know me..
i fast for..the heck of it really.

i like the idea of it, to teach you the meaning of sacrifice and discipline.
i like how it does teach you sacrifice and discipline.
i like how it brings people together during meal times, a time too many of us spend without the company of family or friends.
i like how its somehow silly-ly fun to get up at 6 am to eat, and watch the sun rise.
i like how food, and water tastes so much better after 12 hours of going without.

and yeah, id wholeheartedly recommend it to all of you
just give it a try, whats the harm.
its simple, wake up and have a meal at 6 in the morning, stop all drinking, eating, masturbating, smoking, or basically any physically pleasurable activities til 7pm where you can then proceed to go mad.
enjoy.

oh, and its just so fun having meals with a bunch of friends whether
a) in the weee morning where you can then watch the sunrise and begin your day early or
b) having a huge, long awaited meal at 7pm in a huge group.

take your pick of the pleasures among the pain.

________________________________________________________________________________
upload

i found this on a site giving the prayer times for the ramadhan month.
good grief, i didnt know Allahs blessings were for sale, all for the price of a simple sponsorship.
tsk tsk tsk..

Monday, September 18, 2006

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 11:47:43 GMT

a melancholic outburst of unadulterated emotion engaged in an exercise to alleviate the pain.

it would be so cool if we could speak in song titles, or better yet, song lyrics.

and i like how life is so tied up in emotions and moods.

i like how the ~~rain~~ water can seem to wash away..everything. how you feel clean. pure. guess thats why baptism is what it is, washing away all sin huh?
it consumes you, completely. covers you over. its what keeps you alive, yet what can kill you. i just love the feeling of water on skin and the helplessness of holding your breath in it.
the feeling of water droplet falling down on you in the rain is pure, just you and the heaven, one on one. i think its the most honest place to be.
happiness.
but then how as the droplets of water dry on your skin and evaporate, and the feel of the raindrops on you begin to fade, and the memory of the gasps for breath, the wetness, the warmth, the smell begins to slip, youd do anything to retain the water, stop it from drying, and flying away.
but you cant. no matter how hard you try.
the harder you slap at it,
or try to hold on to it
the faster itll dissapear.

lesson of the day, buy a bathtub.

i love metaphors dont you?

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 11:23:44 GMT

yknow how we think love is hard?
how we (as teenagers, as young adults, and as people) think that life is so hard,
and that the day to day striggle or work, friends, and love lives is such a hassle?

thats nothing compared to what others face.
take my brother.
he's ADHD. thats attention deficit hyperactive disorder.
it means he's a slow learner, not on the same mental level as you or me, and that he's hyper alotta the time.
it also means he'll never ever live a normal life.
and when i think of it, really think about what he goes through.
i fucking cry.

he's never gonna know how it feels to laugh out at a mamak with friends,
do something stupid so you can laugh about it later,
chat up a girl, or fall in love.
he wont know how its like to be held, kissed and loved.
he wont know the happiness of a job well done, a smile between friends and private jokes only you and another know.
he wont ever know these things, why?
just because.
because he was born this way, no outside factors involved.

all he will know is having girls think he's weird.
people laughing and making fun of him.
not getting jobs, opportunities or a proper education.
all he will ever know is people laughing at him, and him never knowing or understanding why.
just feeling, deep down, that something, somewhere is very wrong.

and no, i dont think anyone deserves that.
which is why i try to hold myself back when he pisses me off,
or if he's bein naughty.
i try to be the best fucking brother i can.
but you know its hard.

now tell me someone, lay it out for me.
is this deserved in any way?
warranted?
karma, qadat dan qadar, gods will?
go on.
fucking justify it and make my fucking day.